Annoyed with myself

I set a goal for myself to blog at least once a month. Obviously, I haven’t followed through. I am making time to write today, but I am having trouble thinking of anything. So where do I turn? Submissive Guide’s Journal Prompts, of course. And here it is:

“Do not be like servants who serve their masters expecting to receive a reward; be rather like servants who serve their master unconditionally, with no thought of reward.” – Antigonus of Sokho

First off, I have no idea is the coin if of Antigonus of Sokho. It’s just what Google came up with.

I suck at doing this. I go through these phases where I get resentful for not receiving some kind of kinky reward or more specifically, a reward that I want. It’s not that I want something everyday, but once in awhile would be nice. We just get into a rut and I feel sad about it.

Our ex told me once that serving her should be its own reward. I do find satisfaction in service, but I need praise and recognition. Just to be told that I am a good girl is often enough. Being placed in bondage is the best reward.

Is it so wrong to want that? I don’t think so. Meeting someone’s needs shouldn’t come at the cost of one’s own.

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