SubWise 2 from the Submissive Guide. What advice would you give a novice that you wish someone would have given to you? What is the back story behind why you needed that advice?
Ok, I know this is going to sound cheesy, but I’d encourage people to find out what their and their partner(s)’ erotic personality is. I’d recommend buying Sage Vivant’s book “Your Erotic Personality“, but you can just take the quiz.
I purchased this book without thinking it would be that good, but it was very insightful. According to the quiz, I’m mostly a bottom, but also a student. I hope kinky people know what a bottom is. A student is someone who enjoys learning new things and doing research in order to improve one’s self. The student personality compliments my bottomness well. I’m always looking for better ways to improve my submission. Be it how to make a certain dish to have to perform oral better.
While learning about myself was great, it was more interesting to learn about my Sir. He is an escapist first and a student second. I don’t think my Sir scored one point in the top category. Sage Vivant describes tops as needing to call the shots in bed and to be in control. I think he does have the need for control, but as for calling the shots he’s happy whether he does that or not. Being an escapist means that he has a rich and extensive fantasy life. He greatly enjoys porn and erotica. This has caused some issues. At times I feel like I’m not good enough. It helps me to remember his personality and do things so we can both be satisfied.
This makes for an interesting relationship. We connect more on the student level. I don’t have much of a fantasy life. I mostly think about him and us when I masturbate. He really enjoys the idea of being used by women with strapons. Because of this, he thought at one time he was a submissive. Because we are both students, we enjoy learning how to give each other the most pleasure. This is where we both get our satisfaction. The greatest thing is to be able to touch each other just in the right places.
So how does our relationship work? We both work to make each other happy. I use the strapon on him. I enjoy it, but I don’t feel any dominant power. For me it is a way of serving him and I enjoy making him happy. That is very sexually satisfying. He does things to me that I enjoy because he enjoys giving me pleasure. He doesn’t feel the same power as a Top would. Please don’t misunderstand me, he has a dominant personality. He likes to be in charge. He’s an alpha male, but it’s more outside of the bedroom. He enjoys the D/s lifestyle. He has rules for me and wishes me to defer to him.
I think there are a lot of submissives that have this ridged idea of what a master or mistress should be like. For that matter I think masters and mistresses do, too. I think it is really important to look at what needs you have and prioritize them. For me, at the top of the list is receiving praise. I need to be with someone who notices things I do and appreciates them. Next, I need to feel owned. Cuffs and a collar and being told that I’m his to use anytime fulfill this need. I also need someone who is comfortable with making decisions. I need consistency. My Sir gives my all of these things.
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